Hi, my name's Kat and I'm a terrible person.

Sure I'm just being hard on myself and suffering from some teen angst or some nonsense like that, but I feel like there must be something wrong with me. I'm a walking contradiction, first of all. I'm not even my own person because everyone and everything that I ever come in contact with influence my thoughts and actions a great deal. I'm a hopeless romantic, and this trait has caused me to get hurt so many times because I'll make up these amazing scenarios and then when reality hits, it hits hard. I expect people to be there for me, to talk to me and comfort me in my times of need, or at least just talk to me kind of often since I spend so much time letting them pour all their personal problems on me. I always thought that was a reasonable expectation, but I've recently discovered that it's really not.

I'm just so unhappy with the situation that I've gotten myself in to. I mean.. I was happy at first because I was falling for a really cute guy, but of course it was never going to work. The first and biggest problem is the distance dealio. You see, I get in these situations from time to time where I start developing crushes/feelings for people that I've met online and stuff. I'm thinking that it's probably a relatively common occurance amongst my age group nowadays. Anyways, I was happy. Then after confessing my attraction to this fellow (keep in mind that I would have never in a million years done such a foolish thing if it wasn't for the fact that he had confessed first) things began to change. We went from talking quite frequently to hardly talking. When we do talk now, on that rare occasion, it's mainly him complaining about whatever little pathetic problem he's having with his parents or friend or some bull-manure like that. Never once has he sat there and listened/comforted me when I needed it, and I don't need it that often at all!! Whatever problem I end up having I can generally deal with on my own. Anyways.. I'm tired of him, but I can't seem to just forget him. It's like that stupid deal where you want what you can't have. I can't have him because he lives down in California, and I honestly don't want that douche anymore, but at the same time I just can't get enough of him. I'm positive that it's because I can't have him. Why else would I be so attached, hm? I just need to get a hand on this all and sort it out for myself.


Anyways.. I'm hungry, and stressed. I'm a stress eater. Fuck my life. Oh well, ha ha. Time to try and go to bed.