Gosh.

I haven't posted here in ages. First of all.. No longer with that silly boy. Instead I'm moping around being single for the holidays even though I dumped him and have given everybody who's shown interest in me the cold shoulder. This is why I'm single! I'm just starting to get too picky. :( Oh well, hah.



I've decided that I'm just gonna post on here when I feel like rambling. I'm sure the people on my tumblr get sort of tired of the nights where I'm super talkative. :]

Maybe I'm paranoid buuut

Really? Chilling with a chick at 2 am? Boy.. You know I've had horrific experiences. You know I over think. You know the things that are red flags for me. I'm oh so tempted to flip out on you, but seriously. I don't wanna jump to the conclusion because apparently she's your friend's girl.

Why relationships don't work for me.

I complain alll the time about being single, but then once I get in a relationship I'm rarely ever happy. Pretty sure it's just because I have a tendency to rush into things out of being so desperate. Like right now, for example. I like the guy that I'm dating, but he's just so... Clingy? Maybe I'm just crazy, but I don't like how he does everything he possibly can to make me happy. I mean.. It's gotten to the point he literately tries to force me to let him please me when all I want to do is just sit there and chill, watch shark week or something. Then he gets all butt hurt and angry and I'm just like "HEY! YOU! LISTEN!" -_- Seriously, and then he beats himself up about forcing me into doing stuff - WHICH HE TOTALLY SHOULD!! You don't just go making the person your dating do things they don't want to do. It needs to be a mutual thing, right?

Fricking relationship issues. I know the kind of guy I want. I know a few guys who fit what I want. Problem is they're too far a way, hah. Why is it that those are the kinds of people that I end up being attracted to? -_- It's just not fair.

I'll do a longer one of these later, but I'm not entirely sure what to say.. hah.

Thoughts

The tag "thoughts" doesn't make sense to me. I mean, if you have a personal blog.. Shouldn't it be filled with thoughts? I mean I guess the tag comes in handy if you're posting thoughts, pictures, conversations, stories, and so on. I don't know. It just doesn't make that much sense to me.

The idea of love and relationships and stuff has, of course, been occupying my mind a lot recently. It's always somewhere in my mind, but recently it's been more prominent. It's nothing big, or even worth mentioning. The only reason I'm even writing about it is because it's just so damn annoying. It's at a point where it's depressing, and I'm fairly certain that it's just because I'm so young and I've been single for about a year now and I'm tired of it. I'm worried that I'll be single forever which really isn't the case, I hope. I mean as long as I don't shoot down every opportunity that comes my way, hah.

I kind of want to hang out in a cafe or something. Maybe not a cafe, but like someone calm but where people go. Somewhere quiet-ish where I could read, but at the same time have an opportunity to talk to someone new. Although honestly, I think the only place that I could find somewhere like that would be in Portland and I don't really feel like being alone there. I'd be a little scared, hah.

Anyways.. Gonna finish my movie and then watch another and yeah.

I'm so unmotivated.

I started out by wanting to type out a little rant about not having energy for the rest of the year and then another little one about how I'm wanting a boyfriend to the point where I'm reaching desperation, and I have learned!! I have learned from first hand experience that being desperate has no good outcome. It never will, hah. Anyways.. Yeah, no motivation to do that right now so I'm going to make an attempt at going to bed.

I've come to a conclusion.

I think I'm going to start actually using my Vimeo account. :] You know.. Like making videos, then posting them, and not giving a rats ass what goes on. And I think I'll try and keep them all relatively short!! Short and usually to the point, unless there's no point, which will probably be kind of often. I'll start this weekend!!

New attention from new people.

It was shocking at first, but now I'm sort of used to all of this new interest in me. I mean.. I was freaked out because I was being approached by the kinds of people that I would never even consider talking to for one reason or another, but now it's like a totally normal thing. It's making me feel like I'm suddenly that much more attractive or that much more interesting. Something's changed that's made people want to be around me though, ha ha.


I don't really mind it.. I mean, I like new people. :] There's this one guy that I've found to be fairly attractive since my Freshman year, but I never had the balls to talk to him so I admired from afar. Now we always say hi, which isn't much but is defiantly more than it was before. :]

I'm a vain individual. :]

PHOTOSPAM!! :D [using really cliche teen pictures, haha. Yes!]

Reason behind this one: I'm vain and I totally just tie dyed my ex's shirt. Bad idea? It would be if he wasn't currently living in Cali, hadn't been a complete ass to me, and had taken it back when I had offered the five times before he left the state. :D Now I have an amazingly comfortable tie dyed shirt that I'm madly in love with!!

It's funny

When people compare themselves to other people. I mean, sometimes it's acceptable like when you're being all like "why would so and so pick so and so over me?" and stuff like that. But when it comes to how someone lives their life.. Other people just need to shush their face. Like, right now, I'm being lectured on something by a friend who's about a year younger than me. I was a late bloomer for this sort of thing, and she was a early/normal bloomer. She started in 7th grade and blah blah blah. We're two completely different people and she's trying to tell me how to deal with something.

You can't tell me how to deal with something when we're completely different people, different lives, different everything. So eff this sort of stuff.. It's funny, but annoying as heck.

I'm a hopeless romantic.

That's all there is to it. I'm constantly in need of affection, even if that affection comes from a source miles away. Luckily I'm not much of a fan of physical things (aside from cuddling/hugs/the occasional kiss) because if I was, I would be in a life of hell. However a lot of people aren't as emotionally driven as I am thus creating difficult situations.

It's a rare occasion that I find myself being completely happy in a relationship. The reason behind this is because so many people feel the need to make everything physical, and I'm just not like that. The thing is, I respect myself way too much and a lot of sexual acts terrify me. Physically I move slowly in a relationship, I invest all my emotions into the relationship before I even consider pouring endless amounts of physical satisfaction into one. This is probably why I get hurt easily, and is also probably why a lot of my relationships end. It's not like I get dumped often, in fact it's the other way around.

I get so fed up with people trying to pressure me into doing things to them/for them/with them. It gets to the point that I can't stand it anymore, it starts to get disrespectful. I just want someone to be able to deal with my pace.. It's not like I'm a horrible person. I understand having physical needs, and that's why I'm open to the idea of being in an open relationship as long as I never heard anything at all about the other person/people.

Anyways.. Being a hopeless romantic is a pain in the toosh. I form crushes easily, but I end those crushes just as easily if there's a reason. I get my feelings hurt way too often, and I pretty much feed off of those sweet little things that people say to me when they don't necessarily mean them to the extent that I take it. One day I'll find myself in an amazing relationship, I'm sure of it. I mean.. There's someone out there for everyone, right? You just have to weed out all of the wrong ones before you find the right one. :]

I love just about every holiday to death, but..

I have honestly never been so close to just wanting to starve myself. I mean, summer is just around the bend!! And I'm still like ten pounds away from the weight that I want to be this summer. I mean.. Physically, I totally can see a difference from this time last year and now. I have more confidence and I've been getting more compliments than at any other point in my life. It's just I don't feel good enough about myself to feel comfortable in a bathing suit. I'm determined to get down to at least somewhere in the 120's by the time school's out. Honestly, I think I can do it. I know I can do it. I just need some support and I need to stop giving in to cravings. It'll be easier once I get a job though, I'm sure of it. Once I get a job then I'll be too busy to have time to sit down and eat a ton of junk food. I mean, maybe once in a while I'll eat some Oreos & Peanut butter, but it won't be all the time.

Anyways, I feel like I need to like starve for a week ha ha. I won't though. I refuse to lose weight in an unhealthy way! 

Oh so done.

I'm irrational, that's really all there is to it. I'm obsessive and irrational. That's why I get upset when I don't get attention from a certain individual who will remain anonymous until the end of time. I mean, I figure out he thinks someone else is attractive, and what do I do? I get angry. I feel replaced, but just to clarify: I'm nothing at all to this person, and they shouldn't be anything to me. It's just one of those internet crush type dealios that everyone seems to be getting from what I can tell. By everyone I mean all the people who lack a life, like me, and spend a majority of their time talking to random strangers on the internet.

Moving on though! I've come to the conclusion that I need to just forget him and move on. Just accept that we'll be distant friends who talk from time to time. I came to this conclusion like a month or so ago, but it's not until right this second that I've decided that I need to actually follow through with the whole canceling this crush thing. So yup. I'm going to stop checking up on what he's doing. If he wants to talk, he can talk to me.

Why the heck am I so needy?

Drive in theater is post poned

Until I have no idea, ha ha. Originally it was going to be this weekend, but my friend ended up going to her Dad's for the weekend. I offered next weekend, but there's too many people making plans with her so yeah. Anyways, I'm going to see how long I can last on this silly little diet. The longest will just be until I go to the drive in at which point the diet will end. :] It's not really a diet, it's just I wanna see how long I can eat just carrots & bread while drinking only water & pineapple juice before I become bored/tired with the stuff.. :]

One day I intend to

• Get my hips pierced.
• Get some tattoos, hah.
• Travel through Canada.
• Make some money.
• Spend said money.
• Get a French Bulldog and name it Gatsby or Fransisco.
• Date (and possibly marry) a Doctor.
• Start wearing dresses/skirts on a regular basis.
• Lose 10 pounds.
• Have the confidence to wear a normal bathing suit.
• Become a cosmetologist with a bachelors degree in psychology.
• Watch every episode of Gilmore Girls ever produced.
• Live in a cozy apartment in Portland or LA.
• Make my own clothes/jewelry without them looking like garbage.

I'm going 50's!

As a result of accidentally snipping my bangs a little too short, I've decided that I will be dressing a little similar to the 1950's, or rockabilly, or psychobilly, or whatever the frick you'd like to call it. I dunno. I'll be dressing according to my hair though, and that means I'll be unable to wear the garments that I usually wear [aka over-sized shirts/sweaters with either flare type jeans or straight legged jeans & moccasins] but I'm okay with that. Today was day one, and I got a number of compliments. Oh but I did not wear the outfit pictured above, nope. That's what I'm going to be wearing to the drive in. :]

Instead, I wore a cute sweater dress with black leggings & saddle shoes. I had twisted/pushed two sections of my hair up to get a some what pin up look type dealio going on. I honestly kind of feel the need to start wearing small amounts of lipstick though. It seems that Spring '11 is bringing out a vintage side of me. :] I've been becoming obsessed with the looks of the pin up girls from the 1950s. o_o

Hi, my name's Kat and I'm a terrible person.

Sure I'm just being hard on myself and suffering from some teen angst or some nonsense like that, but I feel like there must be something wrong with me. I'm a walking contradiction, first of all. I'm not even my own person because everyone and everything that I ever come in contact with influence my thoughts and actions a great deal. I'm a hopeless romantic, and this trait has caused me to get hurt so many times because I'll make up these amazing scenarios and then when reality hits, it hits hard. I expect people to be there for me, to talk to me and comfort me in my times of need, or at least just talk to me kind of often since I spend so much time letting them pour all their personal problems on me. I always thought that was a reasonable expectation, but I've recently discovered that it's really not.

I'm just so unhappy with the situation that I've gotten myself in to. I mean.. I was happy at first because I was falling for a really cute guy, but of course it was never going to work. The first and biggest problem is the distance dealio. You see, I get in these situations from time to time where I start developing crushes/feelings for people that I've met online and stuff. I'm thinking that it's probably a relatively common occurance amongst my age group nowadays. Anyways, I was happy. Then after confessing my attraction to this fellow (keep in mind that I would have never in a million years done such a foolish thing if it wasn't for the fact that he had confessed first) things began to change. We went from talking quite frequently to hardly talking. When we do talk now, on that rare occasion, it's mainly him complaining about whatever little pathetic problem he's having with his parents or friend or some bull-manure like that. Never once has he sat there and listened/comforted me when I needed it, and I don't need it that often at all!! Whatever problem I end up having I can generally deal with on my own. Anyways.. I'm tired of him, but I can't seem to just forget him. It's like that stupid deal where you want what you can't have. I can't have him because he lives down in California, and I honestly don't want that douche anymore, but at the same time I just can't get enough of him. I'm positive that it's because I can't have him. Why else would I be so attached, hm? I just need to get a hand on this all and sort it out for myself.


Anyways.. I'm hungry, and stressed. I'm a stress eater. Fuck my life. Oh well, ha ha. Time to try and go to bed.

It's interesting.

I have come to expect so little from someone. I used to feel a sense of I don't know, dependency? On this person, but now I just don't care. This person can either take the time to talk to me or not, they can decide to take a small portion of their day.. like five or ten minutes.. to ask me how I'm holding up, or they can just not acknowledge me. I've just stopped caring. It doesn't matter to me. I'm not going to sit here and wait around for them to call me or something. I have things to do, people to meet, and places to be. Why should I dedicate any of my precious time to them if they aren't going to do the same for me? Isn't it sad how someone who I have just recently met shows more emotion for me than someone that I've known for a while? It's just horrible/pathetic/whatever. Luckily I won't beat myself up over it. I'm not going to hate myself for something that someone else is doing.


Anyways, point is. I'm probably going through the stages of whatever, haha. First I was pissed, then I was sad/hurt, then I was in denial, and now I think I'm in the whole coping with it all stage, haha.

Ya know what I love?

I love how you can spend hours sitting there, listening to someone's problems, and trying to comfort them. I love how you can do this even if it means ignoring other people and not doing anything for yourself for that period of time. The best part is when you start having a serious problem and you go to talk to that person that you spent so much time trying to comfort about it, and they completely blow you off. You know.. Apologizing once, and then going off to do shit with their other friends. I just love it!! I mean, how selfless is that? Maybe I'm just the one being selfish, expecting them to sit there and comfort me about the fact that my Mom's in the hospital because she had a heart attack. Yup, that must be it. Maybe they're tired of me being so damn selfish. :]

I'm sorry that I'm

Not as dainty as most girls.
My muscles aren't so attractive.
Not some dimwitted broad.
Not as jealous as I could be.
Lacking that trait called patience.
Not tolerant of crap.
Not likely to give a second chance.

Thoughts

I am spending yet another night watching love based movies while browsing blogs. Why do I lack a life? Why don't I make an effort to befriend people nearby? Honestly.. I can't even be bothered to make an effort to please anyone. True, I get lonely and bored and I should probably do something about it, but I've found that I'm almost always the person who goes out of their way to start a friendship or maintain a friendship. I've just gotten tired of it, and I want the other person to make the first move. That's understandable, right? I think it makes sense, but that's why I think it. :p

Moving on. I'm still craving a lover. I mean, I don't know. Calling them a lover sounds like I'm just trying to find someone to have casual sex with or something, and that's just not acceptable. I want someone to cuddle with. I want someone that I can curl up with and watch chick flicks with and stuff. Is it so much to ask for someone like that? Someone who would be fine with not being all sexual and weird? Frick. Frick frick frick. It's only been like.. five months? Since my last boyfriend. That's not long at all. I'm just scared that the five months might turn into a year and a half and then I'll do something out of being desperate. Although isn't wanting to have a boyfriend this badly just as bad as being desperate enough to make a mistake? It is, isn't it? Flip a kangaroo. I just can't think straight. It's like everyone around me is finding someone to be lovely dovey with except for me. Well, me and my best guy friend. And we're both wanting to have a lover, ha ha.

You know that taste you get in your mouth after not brushing your teeth for a while? Yeah I don't really like that. By a while, I mean like a few hours after you eat something. I don't know, ha ha. I just know it grosses me out like no other!!

I can hardly keep my thoughts going.. I so thought I had more. This movie is distracting me!! It's called Bicentennial Man, and it's a good movie. I believe that you all should watch it. :]

The Good Things In Life

1. Home made black berry cobler.
2. Getting hugs from cute strangers.
3. Having friends that care about you.
4. The days where you can lounge around the house without feeling bad.
5. Seeing your reflection and knowing you're beautiful.
6. Being in love.
7. Family that support you and your dreams.
8. A good nights rest.
9. Being able to recover from a stumble [speaking emotions here].
10. Moose tracks ice cream.
11. The confidence booster you get when a babe smiles at you.
12. Long bubble baths.
13. The feeling of being part of something bigger.
14. Having a job you like.
15. Being able to have the same mentality as Coco Chanel [even though I don't]
16. Remembering all the good things in life.
17. Good music when you're in a bad mood.
18. Looking fantastic when you feel like shit.
19. When you find a sweater that's flattering on you.
20. The smell of a new car.

I'm just too needy.

All I want is some attention. Is that so bad? I'm a normal teenage girl. Normal teenage girls generally crave attention unless they're super duper freakishly self conscious or some nonsense like that. It just happens. Anyways, I'm dying a little from not having the amount of attention I'm craving. I mean shoot, it's currently at the point that I'm actually thinking of hanging out with my ex!! Not one of the cool ones that I found to be unbelievably hot or anything, no. I'm thinking of the most recent one that I broke it off with because he was just.. Well lets just say that I rushed because I was excited and yeah. He's a sweet guy though, and he's fun to talk to. We haven't hung out in months, but we're going to kick it tomorrow afternoon. The point is, the main reason behind me hanging out with him is because I'm fairly certain that if/when we hang out, I will get the attention I desire and probably then some. Assuming he still finds me even the least little bit attractive and all, which I'm hoping he does. Either way I will be hanging out with a guy that I don't see on a daily basis and that will be more than fine with me. Switch it up a little, ha ha.

Baby

Depending on the person, this little name can be either a massive insult or a loving pet name. For the most part, I dislike being called 'baby' and/or any form of that word. It makes me feel like just another tally to put down on the person's chart. I just don't like it, you know? It's perfectly understandable. It can be shallow. But moving on!!

How can this pet name be an insult? Easy. Imagine this: you're at a club or a bar or walking down the street or just about ANYWHERE, and you hear this weird heavy voice say "Hey baby.." So you turn around because when a voice says something like that and you're reasonably close to the source, you're bound to be a little interested in who it's directed at. Well, the monster behind the voice is some over weight slob. Greasy clothes, slimy hair, unattractive crooked smile. The source is a pigmonster! You don't want to be called baby by a pigmonster, right?! I didn't think so. Especially when you know the foul beast just wants in your cute little panties!! It's just not ok! But for some reason, many of these said beasts think that by calling attractive women baby before making a big move will increase their chance/is perfectly acceptable. Well it's not! It's offensive and nobody likes it so stop!

It's obvious how it can express the love that someone has for another though. I mean, couples call each other baby/babe all the time and they have for years! It's nothing new, and it's often portrayed in the media and what not as a form of admiration.

Anyways.. Just had to get that out there.

Things I Don't Like

1. When websites take forever to load, and then not end up loading.
2. When you see a super cutie but don't have the guts to go talk to him.
3. Girls who think they're hot stuff, but they're annoying and nobody likes them.
4. Not having a large social circle.
5. Lacking the courage to just go out and start talking to a cutie.
6. Wanting to have someone to snuggle with and not making any effort to find someone.
7. Lacking the motivation to get up and do something with myself.
8. Being out of shape.
9. Trying to think of 10 things I don't like.
10. Not having the confidence to wear the cute outfits that I would die to pull off.

Babbling

I have been watching nothing but romantic movies for the past several days. It's a sign, I swear. A sign for what? I'm not entirely sure. I just know that it's making me really want someone to curl up with. You know? I want to be able to have a special boy that I can just.. Call up and ask to come cuddle with me while we watch silly movies and talk about an array of topics ranging from your typical "What's new?" to more in depth topics such as "What if everything you know is a lie?", that would just be so fantastic. Sip on some tea, lights off.

I know I'm only seventeen, and I know that things that I'm wanting aren't really realistic at all for someone of my age. A girl can hope though, right? All girls do. Every girl has an unrealistic thing that she craves from time to time. My unrealistic hope is to find a mature, attractive boy that I can see on a fairly regular basis without feeling obligated to have a make out sesh. Sure, the occasional make out dealio is all fun and what not, but I don't want that to be the life root of the relationship. I've been there and done that, I don't want to go deal with it again. It's just not who I am.

I am not one of those girls who has low self esteem, and feels the need to throw herself out there in order to maintain a fun relationship. I have loads of self esteem, not quite enough to be a complete doucher, but certainly enough to keep me grounded. Boys who think that they can just guilt trip you into doing anything or force you to do anything or anything along those lines aren't worth the effort. It's not that I have high standards or anything, it's just I don't like being pestered about doing this or that or anything like that. I want to go at my own pace. I want to go at my own pace, and I feel that with today's standards I can't really do that.

Speaking of standards.. What the fuck is with double standards?!! Seriously, it's ridiculous. If boys were held to the same damn standards that girls were, so many of them would be total sluts. Where the hell do guys get off on being able to boss girls around? I know it's an age old dealio with the whole men being the boss or whatever. They have always been the head hanchos and what not. Yes, they've always had more or less the same intentions since the beginning of time. Puberty hits and the sex drive is on! Yeah, girls are pretty similar to that as well. Although some of us, or at least I do, control/disguise the urges and what not. How often, in person and not online, do girls get really pervy and demanding in the sexual sense? It's just yeah.. I don't know. So obnoxious, and it definitely kills whatever attraction I have/could have for that individual. Although there's been times where I can look past it with quite a bit of ease.

Anyways, I feel like this is more than enough. Oh and I like this movie.. It's really hilarious. I shall post all about it when it gets over!! It's called Table for Three. :]

Worst Date Ever!!!

Alright, it's kind of old news.. I mean it happened back in October or something. Anyways, I'm relatively certain it tops any other worst dates I've heard of, ha ha. Lets start off with how this guy looked.. This guy was a total babe. I mean, seriously the sexiest guy I have ever seen in those pants that hang below their toosh. He was ripped, sooo much muscle but not enough for it to look weird and gross. He had gorgeous light blue eyes that I could see my reflection in. His smile was so alluring, I loved it. He had short blond hair, but on this date it was sometime around Halloween and he had dyed half his head black.. ha ha. It looked hilarious, but whatever. He was still adorable. His personality was always upbeat and silly. It was always fun to be around him, ha ha. Oh and he had such an amazing tan, it was so even and golden. A real tan, ha ha.

Now it's time for the background info on this sweetie. I met him through a friend of mine. Her boyfriend was his best friend, and the guy had been single for a while. He had gotten out of a bad relationship and was trying to get over it, you know? And what better cure than to go out and date other people? Shallow, but effective. I had been single for a few months and figured what the hell, it'd be fun. I had met him once before and he seemed really cocky and lame, but we exchanged numbers and started to get to know each other. About a month later [it's now October] and we decide to go on a double date. My friend, her boyfriend, the guy, and myself. We were going to find a haunted house and be all cliche, right? Well the first day kind of failed because we couldn't find a haunted house, but the second time was better because we knew exactly where we were going.

My friend and her boyfriend picked me up from work around seven or eight and then we headed off to go pick up the guy. I had a little head ache, as usual, and was feeling sickly. This was a total norm for me because the smell of raw pizza stuff always made me start to feel sick and stuff, I'm not sure why but that's just the way that it went. Anywho, so we go and we pick up the babe. We're heading to the place when I start feeling dizzy and what not, so I roll down the window and let the rain smack me in the face and what not, hoping the fresh air and water will make me feel a bit better. I start to feel my stomach churn so I ask if we can pull over. We begin to pull over to the side of the high way [yeah, the high way, in the middle of the night, wow] and before we're even all the way over, I begin to hurl. I covered my mouth before it actually came out, but it was really intense and got on the door a little bit. I had opened the door so that I wouldn't make a bigger mess than I had. There was a nice four foot line of my nifty vomit on the high way. It got in my hair. It got on the car. It got on my clothes. I was dying of embarrassment so I jumped out and finished my moment in the grass. Afterwords I went and sat in the ditch, hoping the pouring down rain would wash most of the yucky stuff off my face. Everyone in the car was panicking, thinking I was going to die ha ha. It was kind of humorous.

After about fifteen minutes I get back in the car, and everyone was asking if I was alright and if I wanted to keep going or if I rather go back home. I decided to go back home because I was still feeling sick. About half way back, my date turns to me and asks if I would like to take a quick shower at his place, and being disgusted at my situation I said sure. I was supposed to stay the night at someone's house anyways so I had some extra clothes with me. We get back to his place and I take a much needed shower. Then the feeling of puking comes flying back.. I run from the kitchen [I had gotten some water after the shower to wash the taste out of my mouth] to the bathroom that I had taken the shower in. I lean over the toilet and start hurling, the door still open. My date's cousin [who was a bit older] walks past the door, then walks back and stands in the door way. He asked me if I was going to puke.. I nodded my head. Then he asked if I had already puked in the toilet, and again I nodded my head. After this nod he laughs a little and informs me that the toilet I had just soiled with junks of apple isn't hooked up. How was I supposed to know this?! I took as shower in there, and the sink in there worked, anyone would have assumed that it was hooked up. Although I probably should have noticed that there wasn't any water in the bowl... But when you're on the verge of covering yourself with vomit again, are you really going to sit down and make sure the toilet works?!

Anyways.. That was my worst date. My friend took me home after that and I felt like I was going to die. It was horrific. It was hilarious. It will hopefully never happen again. :]

I trimmed my bangs this morning

They don't look all snazzy in the picture, but whatever. I was really wanting to wear my bangs like bangs instead of a fringe today. When I went to put them down though, they kept stabbing me in the eyes and I was like NOOOOOOO!!! And took some trimmers to 'em. I think I took off about an inch or so.. Maybe a little less. I kind of like the way they look though so neh! Eff you bro!


Today I'm going to check out some cars. Two are Honda Civic Hatchbacks from 1990. Then there's some other car that I can't remember what it is, but it has a nifty mp3 jack so that would mean I could jam out to my iPod while driving, and the last one.. I forgot that one too, but it was cheap! That's the main thing I was looking for.. Something under $2000. :]


Anywho.. Time to go make some phone calls!!

It's Friday night & what am I doing?

Sitting in my bed obsession over Joseph Gordon-Levitt. He's just so gorgeous!! Plus it's the first night of Spring Break and I'm not a very social individual. Anyways, JGL.. He's lovely and has an amazing singing voice. Have you ever heard him sing?! Oh my gawd it's amazing, I mean.. It seriously makes me want to melt. Plus he speaks beautiful French. <3 I would love to marry him, ha ha. He's just so cute, I can't stop obsessing over it!! I mean shoot, even as a kid he was adorable. Now he's a man and I would love for him to be mine, ha ha.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to try and marry a look a like. :]

Oh so lazy...

So I've been running for 30 minutes everyday since Monday, but today I just can't run. I mean.. I made it to 5 minutes, but I just couldn't keep going. I feel so insanely lazy.. Oh well. I do believe I'll just start a weekend long fast tomorrow then next week I'll do a liquid fast. That way I'll keep my calorie intake to a minimum and won't feel so bad about not working out as much as I should. Granted.. It's unhealthy but I just want to get smaller so damn badly!! Plus I go about doing all of this the healthy way for the most part [eating healthy, small portions, exercise, and so on] so it's not like I'm going to make this whole eating-the-bare-minimum dealio a new life style.

Mini self obsession moment

So on Thursday I thought I looked adorable so when I got home from school I took my camera and tripod outside, found a nice place with decent lighting, and voila!! These are the products of said event:

My dinner on March 11

Does that not look delicious? It was my friend's birthday, and we got really dressed up. I mean.. oh goodness dressed up. I did my hair for a change, and actually wore flattering clothes. The two other girls got all fancied up as well - one wore one of my shirts with some leggings and a black cardigan and the other wore a loose fitting t-shirt with some flairs. We were all dandy looking because we were under the impression we were going to PF Changs or the Macaroni Grill, but we didn't go to either. Instead we went to IHOP which is basically just as good, but cheaper. I got that gorgeous chicken sandwich in the bottom center with a coke. The birthday girl got that giant omelet up in the top right. :]


Anyways, delicious dinner.

I haven't posted anything in forever

Sorry about that, hah. There's nothing new really.. But I felt like posting something just to be like HEY! I'M ALIVE!! So that's what this is.

Oh and I now have a classic acoustic guitar. I know nothing about guitars, but my Grandma left it to me in her will soooooo now I have one. I'm going to teach myself how to play. Wish me luck!!

Damn.

I want a boyfriend, seriously. I mean I'm fine without one, but I wouldn't mind having one ha ha. It'd be fine but the thing is.. I'm not interested in anyone nearby. There's just no one that fits anything I'm looking for. Just a bunch of needy, immature, sex driven kids. I want a boy that's capable of caring on a decent conversation, looks cute even when he doesn't try, has a sense of style, and doesn't gives a rats ass about partying or anything at all. It'd be awesome if he didn't smoke/party/drink too.. I mean I wouldn't mind as long as he didn't expect me to do it with him. I don't know.. I feel like I have high standards, but according to a number of people I don't. It's just little things that no one seems to have because everyone wants to be "cool" and just be douches who disrespect everyone. Maybe I'm just too old fashion, ha ha. Who knows.

Anyways... I'm going to watch district 9 & probably take a nap. It's a little late, ha ha.

Just a heads up

I'm boy crazy. Completely and utterly boy crazy. When people ask me if I'm boy crazy, I always said only a little. Although recently I've decided that I'm more than just a little boy crazy, I'm really boy crazy. What girl isn't though?! I mean, sure.. There's more than a handful of girls out there who are completely indifferent to boys, but I'm just not like that. Granted there's numerous occasions where I'm not all fgkfljlafe when I see a guy.. If I see a cute one though, [insert wolf whistle here] I just can't help myself but to get all giddy and tongue tied. Not really tongue tied, but I do start acting like a school girl or something. So yes. I am boy crazy, and that's probably why I talk about guys soooo much and why I'm constantly checking them out. It's just a little silly because I don't really have anyone to talk about 'em with because most of my friends are guys, and what guys wanna hear a girl talk about how so and so is attractive? That's what I thought, none. :p

Anyways yeah.. That's why I post a lot about guys/dream boys/yada yada yada.

Oh goodness, Kiefer..

Why is this man so freaking sexy? Seriously. He's just so.. Wow. I adore his voice too! If I was one of those kids that got a wish from the make a wish foundation [is that even still around?! I haven't heard anything about them in years], I would wish for him to take me out to a meal & then give me the worlds biggest/best/not awkward at all hug in the world. :] Just saying

To the people of craigslist.. What are you thinking?

Oh man, ha ha. So today is the first time I have ever went on craigslist to just browse.. Generally when I go there I'm searching for one thing or another [whether it be a dog or an aquarium thing], but not today, not tonight. I decided that I was going to look at the personals you know? I don't think I've ever wanted to email so many people so badly just to ask "What are you thinking..?"

Like.. There was this guy in the personals [casual encounters > m4w] who was looking for a girl to talk about incest with. He was like 45 or something ha ha, but I was like "Oh goodness.. Really? Will this not come back to haunt you one day?" ha ha

Then there was another guy who was looking for a text buddy [he was like 19 or 20] and he was all cute looking, but I'm sitting there thinking "So you're giving out your number after all those murders that happened because people were so willing to trust whoever from craigslist..?" Call me paranoid buuuuut...


Anyways.. Yeah. I thought it was kind of silly. I'm super comfy, and I had an amazing dinner tonight! Oh goodness <3

One day, I will find a guy to be mine that looks similar to this

You cannot tell me that he is no the cutest thing you have ever seen. It's like he's super classy and formal, but he has this massive quirky crazy streak flowing throw him that causes him to make typical style into something a little less classic and a little more cooky. I love it! Plus his hair looks insanely healthy and fantastic. :]

All I have to do now is hope that I find a guy like this, and when I do - hope he's not a douchenose. :p

Canada

I really, REALLY want to live in Canada. I'm not sure why, I just feel like it'd be fun. I mean, it's pretty much exactly like the U.S. I guess, but it's called Canada instead. Not to mention from what I hear, they're a bit better in pretty much every way. I could be completely wrong, ha ha. Oh well.. I still wanna live in Canada. All I need is a passport, quite a bit of money, and a picked place to visit while I'm there. I have no idea where in Canada I would want to go anyways, ha ha. I just know that by Alaska there's a taco place with a super amazing name that I can't remember because I found it on google maps from the street view while planning a route for the road trip I'll be taking after high school. :]

You Know Those Days

Do you ever have those days where you just don't want to go to school/work for whatever reason? I'm having one of those days, ha ha. I woke up, got ready, and headed out the door. I was going to go in early to work on a project, but as I was in line at a local coffee-drive-thru-type-thing I began to cry. Completely unprovoked, I just started feeling horrible and didn't want to deal with people today. So after getting my frozen mocha [first one I've had in about two or three years, I usually get a soy chai latte], I went straight back home.

Today shall be spent hiding in my room doing one of four things: reading, watching tv, blogging, and browsing blogs. I'll probably work on my homework once I figure out what it is. I'm really uninspired to do the science stuff though. Bah, I prefer the more.. artsy? classes. You know? Like English, Calligraphy, Art, so on and so on. Oh well, ha ha. School is school. You gotta do what you gotta do, even if it is basically teaching yourself about chemistry and what, not ha ha.

Much Too Short

I am far too short to be reaching for things up high. I learned this today, and I learned it the hard way. I was in art, trying to get the white paint [which for some reason my teacher has all the acrylic paint on the tippy top of a book shelf thing.] I knew I couldn't reach it without a stool or something, but because of an episode of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" where the blond chick is just like "No! I can do it myself!!" I was inspired to get the paint without any help what so ever - even if the help was from a stool. So I just pushed it with my finger tips until it fell off the edge.. Usually I can catch things when they fall after doing something like this, but I guess I can't do that with a giant jug of paint falling from about a foot at the least above me.

End Result: Demolished hands - specifically my pinkies and ring fingers. They're all nice & swollen with some lovely little gashes on them from being smashed/whacked into/between the jug of paint & one of the shelves. It's only a little painful ha ha.

Bless Me, Ultima

I just got done with chapter 18. I have to say that it is the most revolting piece of literature I have ever read. I understand that we're meant to read it to "broaden our horizons" on other cultures when it comes to literature, but seriously. I have never, in my entire life, read a book that made me so sick and so angry than this book. I procrastinate reading it because I can't read it without wanting to destroy everything within a mile radius of myself. I've been ranting about it to pretty much everyone all evening so I don't really need to post an entire entry dedicated to it, like I am right now. However!! I will not get into a serious rant about it!! See?! I'm ending this post right here.

First Hour

Period, block, whatever you call your classes at school. Anyways, I missed it completely. I mean, I didn't skip. I just chose to paint instead of sit in English. I meant to go in during lunch to make up for it, but I kind of completely forgot and got preoccupied with working on the painting - again. I intend on going in tomorrow during lunch. Hopefully my English teacher will understand why, in my mind, it goes Art > English especially when the possibility of getting your piece hung up in an Art Museum and/or a college art show. :]

Oh well - at least I have the highest grade in there, right? And it was a one time dealio.

Oh oh oh!!!

I am so proud of myself. You see, I like to pretend I have some maaaaad artistic abilities. Unfortunately this is usually all in my head - BUT NOT TODAY!! No. Today I was pretty much forced by two of the art teachers at my school to enter the piece I've been working on for about three weeks. It's titled "A Mother's Love". Basically is a charcoal drawing on newspaper of a uterus attached to a heart [colored with a combination of chalk & oil pastels] that I had done and then cut out and put onto some water color paper that I painted this dark red color [acrylics mixed with a drop of water to have it go on a bit smoother] then proceeded to make this nice detail design boarder around the image itself [in white], and there's some text in a font I made up in white that reads "A Mother's Love is Infinite" in a kind of pattern going down the paper. Personally, it's one of the best images I've ever created. I put quite a bit of effort into it, but yeah.. I'm still surprised how amazing it is. Pardon me honking my own horn, I'm just really proud of myself ha ha.

Oh and in addition to that - I had my picture taken while I was painting the background, ha ha. There were two people that decided to use me as part of their portrait projects for photography. After the guy [there was a guy & a girl] took my picture, he paused before walking away and was like "Just so you know - you're really beautiful." and I just wanted to give him a hug and be like "Thank you!" Is that weird? Hug a person and act like they just saved your life just because they said you looked good? I feel that's a little weird. Oh well ha ha.

I desire these things in a boy

• A cute smile.
• Easy to get along with.
• They don't HAVE to be in constant contact.
• Not over protective/super jelly.
• Willing to accept the spontaneous changes in my style.
• Fun to be with.
• Not ashamed to be seen in public [this goes both ways.]
• The perfect amount of muscle [I'll know it when I see it.]
• Will actually introduce me to his buddies WITHOUT being ashamed what so ever.
• Able to cope with my random violent mood swings I have from time to time.
• Likes the same kind of music as I do, and more.
• Always carries a nice camera with him.
• Cuddles with animals like I do.
• Not embarrassed to act like a kid when babysitting.
• Family orientated. 
• Open to making new friends.
• Is perfectly alright with me hanging out with more guys than girls.
• Doesn't get super worried/paranoid that I'm going to cheat on him just because I hugged a stranger.
• Is very loyal to me [did I already say that?]
• Deals with me blogging.
• Allows me some breathing room for me.
• Isn't bothered by my micro managing ways, but will won't sit there and take smack from me when I get on his case for no reason what so ever.
• Will actually tell me I'm being irrational when I'm being irrational.
• Has a cute little accent. :] Preferably an English accent.
• Not an alcoholic, smoker, stoner, or any other form of harmful substance ha ha.
• A lot of confidence, but not enough to be a complete doucher
• Nice sense of style.
• Has plans for the future and is doing everything they can to achieve those aspirations.
• Will randomly show up with a dozen flowers that he picked himself [or at least fresh ones that he picked out one by one], knock on my door, give me the flowers, and then take me out to dinner somewhere I love [of course he'd pay] all just because he felt like it would be a perfect way to spend one evening. [This will only work once, the second it happens again or someone else tries it, I'd just get a little annoyed]

Well.. That's really all I can think of right now. I'll probably end up adding later on or something.

I should probably explain myself..

There's many words to describe me... Self absorbed, caring, micro managing maniac, old fashioned laughaholic, creative, crazy, depressive, optimistic, peppy, bubbly, walking contradiction, free spirit, conservative, and so on. Although lets be realistic, isn't that just the way that kids my age are? I reside in the great Pacific Northwest [where all the hippies from the Summer of Love fled to.] My weekends are spent in solitude, hiding in my room with my lap top on my lap and music playing instead of recovering from epic parties ha ha. Hm.. I should probably explain what this is about. Ok. Basically, this is a personal blog.. I guess? It's basically just going to be filled to the rim with my thoughts and stuff like that.. Dunno ha ha. Typing is just fun for me.. Is it weird to have typing as a hobby?

We'll find out together!!