Gosh.

I haven't posted here in ages. First of all.. No longer with that silly boy. Instead I'm moping around being single for the holidays even though I dumped him and have given everybody who's shown interest in me the cold shoulder. This is why I'm single! I'm just starting to get too picky. :( Oh well, hah.



I've decided that I'm just gonna post on here when I feel like rambling. I'm sure the people on my tumblr get sort of tired of the nights where I'm super talkative. :]

Maybe I'm paranoid buuut

Really? Chilling with a chick at 2 am? Boy.. You know I've had horrific experiences. You know I over think. You know the things that are red flags for me. I'm oh so tempted to flip out on you, but seriously. I don't wanna jump to the conclusion because apparently she's your friend's girl.

Why relationships don't work for me.

I complain alll the time about being single, but then once I get in a relationship I'm rarely ever happy. Pretty sure it's just because I have a tendency to rush into things out of being so desperate. Like right now, for example. I like the guy that I'm dating, but he's just so... Clingy? Maybe I'm just crazy, but I don't like how he does everything he possibly can to make me happy. I mean.. It's gotten to the point he literately tries to force me to let him please me when all I want to do is just sit there and chill, watch shark week or something. Then he gets all butt hurt and angry and I'm just like "HEY! YOU! LISTEN!" -_- Seriously, and then he beats himself up about forcing me into doing stuff - WHICH HE TOTALLY SHOULD!! You don't just go making the person your dating do things they don't want to do. It needs to be a mutual thing, right?

Fricking relationship issues. I know the kind of guy I want. I know a few guys who fit what I want. Problem is they're too far a way, hah. Why is it that those are the kinds of people that I end up being attracted to? -_- It's just not fair.

I'll do a longer one of these later, but I'm not entirely sure what to say.. hah.

Thoughts

The tag "thoughts" doesn't make sense to me. I mean, if you have a personal blog.. Shouldn't it be filled with thoughts? I mean I guess the tag comes in handy if you're posting thoughts, pictures, conversations, stories, and so on. I don't know. It just doesn't make that much sense to me.

The idea of love and relationships and stuff has, of course, been occupying my mind a lot recently. It's always somewhere in my mind, but recently it's been more prominent. It's nothing big, or even worth mentioning. The only reason I'm even writing about it is because it's just so damn annoying. It's at a point where it's depressing, and I'm fairly certain that it's just because I'm so young and I've been single for about a year now and I'm tired of it. I'm worried that I'll be single forever which really isn't the case, I hope. I mean as long as I don't shoot down every opportunity that comes my way, hah.

I kind of want to hang out in a cafe or something. Maybe not a cafe, but like someone calm but where people go. Somewhere quiet-ish where I could read, but at the same time have an opportunity to talk to someone new. Although honestly, I think the only place that I could find somewhere like that would be in Portland and I don't really feel like being alone there. I'd be a little scared, hah.

Anyways.. Gonna finish my movie and then watch another and yeah.

I'm so unmotivated.

I started out by wanting to type out a little rant about not having energy for the rest of the year and then another little one about how I'm wanting a boyfriend to the point where I'm reaching desperation, and I have learned!! I have learned from first hand experience that being desperate has no good outcome. It never will, hah. Anyways.. Yeah, no motivation to do that right now so I'm going to make an attempt at going to bed.

I've come to a conclusion.

I think I'm going to start actually using my Vimeo account. :] You know.. Like making videos, then posting them, and not giving a rats ass what goes on. And I think I'll try and keep them all relatively short!! Short and usually to the point, unless there's no point, which will probably be kind of often. I'll start this weekend!!

New attention from new people.

It was shocking at first, but now I'm sort of used to all of this new interest in me. I mean.. I was freaked out because I was being approached by the kinds of people that I would never even consider talking to for one reason or another, but now it's like a totally normal thing. It's making me feel like I'm suddenly that much more attractive or that much more interesting. Something's changed that's made people want to be around me though, ha ha.


I don't really mind it.. I mean, I like new people. :] There's this one guy that I've found to be fairly attractive since my Freshman year, but I never had the balls to talk to him so I admired from afar. Now we always say hi, which isn't much but is defiantly more than it was before. :]